Monday, 26 December 2011

The Top 15 Gaming Weapons...Of All Time!

They come in many forms; guns, swords, explosives, barrels, falling blocks, boomerangs, batarangs...hell, even Pacman had a weapon; his mouth (waka waka waka).  But many video games incorporate weapons in one way or another.

This list is a rundown of my personal favourite top 15 weapons - if you agree, disagree or have your own suggestions I'd like to know about them in the comments section!

You might be surprised to find that some titles aren't included at all.

I wanted so much to include The Legend of Zelda but if you take a moment to think about Link (in his little green hat...aww), he uses his Master Sword to cut grass yet he can't cut through hedgerows and has to take lengthy detours to travel around; what's up with that?! Anyway, it's examples like this that the Zelda series and certain others didn't make the cut.

1. Super Mario Bros.

The Super Mario Bros. franchise includes a plethora of...well...interesting weapons.

For example, there's the star, which makes you invincible for a short period of time but by far the ultimate weapon of the series is the red fiery flower of death. Get one of those before facing down Bowser in one of his many, many castles and the boss fight is over before you realise "WHAT...the princess is in another castle?! Exactly how many castles are there in Mushroom Kingdom?!"

But these "weapons" could be considered power-ups... unless we're talking about Mario Kart, in which case we open up a whole range of weapons (Bullets, Red Shells, etc). Ultimately, Mario has the number one weapon of all time: his feet. No reloading, no jamming, no ammo or real aim, just a fat man falling on your face.

2. Doom

How do you obliterate everything in your path without scorching the demonic decor? With the BFG 9000 of course! I'm not talking about the big friendly giant who steals kids and eats weird cucumbers for breakfast, I'm talking about the gun that fired out that wondrous, 'splodey stuff. It was the ultimate way to kill all enemies on screen and perhaps the best named gun in gaming history. Yes, the "Big F**king Gun 9000" is truly a force to be reckoned with. Send those archdemons back to hell in style.

3. Final Fantasy

I could have easily chosen Cloud Strife's Buster Sword from FFVII, Sephiroth's Masamune or even Barrett's gun arm but one the most awesome weapons in the series has to be Squall Leonhart's Gun Blade from FFVIII. A powerful weapon combining both firearm AND sabre...that's ingenuity right there. I have a great deal of respect for Final Fantasy characters - their swords are always bigger than they are, which implies either they simply like to show-off their strength and stamina or armourers hate them, jealous of those amazing pointy hairstyles.

To see this beast in action, check out this video:

4. Contra

Contra is a Nintendo classic for the NES and using the Spread Gun is an absolute joy, it's range is unparalleled and it fires five bullets at once. This may not sound that impressive given contemporary gaming standards, however unlike other games of its time, mashing the 'shoot' button continuously wouldn't destroy the previous bullets, meaning you weren't penalised for carnage - and people wonder where button bashing comes from!

If a single bullet hit an enemy at close range it inflicted the same damage as a laser beam! What's more, the rate of fire was similar to the machine gun, allowing you to complete the game with this weapon alone.

5. Soul Calibur

You may be surprised by my next weapon of choice.

It's not The Soul's Edge know, the one the whole game is based around and the sole reason you're fighting?

I care not for soul devouring swords because I played as Ivy Valentine and chose to wield her mechanical whip/sword: the Ivy Blade. Multi-functional like a Swiss army knife, this armament could whip, cut and tangle opponents giving the player a wider range of attacks with the added bonus of changing your tactics and mixing your combos with ease.

6. Left 4 Dead 2

I had decided to specifically mention the Frying Pan but it occurred to me that all of the Left4Dead Melee Weapons are effective in a zombie apocalypse. Not only are they satisfyingly gory but they emit hilarious sounds and are an ideal way to save on ammo (well, except the chainsaw) and are especially useful during horde attacks. Practical, ammo-saving and fun! Not only that, but they provide inspiration for the inevitable apocalypse. So, frying pans and guitars at the's going to get messy!

7. Duke Nukem

The Shrink Ray from the Duke Nukem series is so much fun to play with. Shrinking enemies down to the size of a lit cigar just so you can stub them out with your giant boots never gets old.

Granted they become a little harder to see and the effects aren't exactly permanent but that's nothing Duke's size twelves can't fix!

8. Assassin's Creed

Okay so taking down guards with a broom might be more amusing but there's one tool that no assassin could live without...The Hidden Blade.


This fast, highly effective and stealthy weapon inflicts maximum damage without your opponent, target or those pesky Templars even knowing it was you! That is, until you hold your victim in your arms during their last breath and ask them if it was worth it...oh, those crazy assassin's.

9. Halo

You might think that given the range of weapons in the Halo-verse, I might have selected the Energy Sword or the Gravity Hammer but I find myself utilising Plasma Grenades more often. Sneaking up behind an enemy and slapping a grenade to their back is thoroughly rewarding. Sure, they may give you 'hugs of death' but it's worth it. Vehicles mowing you down? Not any more! Work on your throw and you can lob a grenade straight onto a warthog and...BOOM! Safe to cross the road again.

Frustratingly, once you've been stuck, you have no choice but to accept your fate. Your only hope for redemption is a crazy kamikaze-run on your assaulter - chasing after them until you share the same grave. So, whether you're the sticker or the stickee you can still get a kill.

10. Half-Life

How could I be talking about video game weapons without mentioning The Crowbar!?

This handy tool is the ultimate in melee accoutrement and is the first weapon in the Half-Life series.

Gordon Freeman's signature accessory has many functions, it can break crates, clear obstacles, help in certain puzzles and although these aren't things that classify it as a weapon, these are bonuses. When used as a melee weapon, it's so effective that you can pretty much rely on it throughout the entire game!

11. Half-Life 2

The Zero Point Energy Field Manipulator, or Gravity Gun as it's better known by fans of the franchise, utilised physics unlike any game had before. Hurling headcrabs through the air or using fuel barrels as projectile ammunition makes you feel as though you have amazing telekinetic powers or Jedi skill, which quite frankly is cool for a specky-bearded-scientist.

12. BioShock

While it could be thought that Plasmids are the equivalent of the Mario power-ups, I'd like to argue that they are indeed weapons. Although you are manipulating your genetic make-up and grossly mutilating yourself, having the power to blast someone with electricity or set them on fire is as good as any gun. In fact combining them with weapons such as the wrench makes the effects even deadlier. Remember, the one-two punch!

13. Command & Conquer: Red Alert

Choosing to play as the Soviets in this real-time strategy game allows you to build Tesla Coils.

 They are incredibly useful for debilitating tanks and vaporising enemy troops with huge charges of directed static electricity. Although they are expensive to operate, require several power stations and the occasional repair, a well placed Tesla Coil surrounded by concrete walls is rather difficult to overcome.

Excluding ships, the Allied troops lack the long-range weapons capable of dealing significant damage, forcing your enemy to undertake a largely ground-force attack. C&C and strategies like this go hand-in-hand.

14. Street Fighter


Yes, the Surge Fist (don't pretend you knew that was its name, you've been calling it a Fireball) is one of those unblockable moves and while some of you may not classify it as a weapon, arguing it's a special move, I would like to remind you that it is primarily a projectile and in my mind projectile = weapon.

And as far as projectile weapons in the world of video games goes, it's a classic! Nothing comes close to the satisfaction of successfully summoning a button-bashed Surge Fist, topped with Ryu screaming HADOUKEN!

15. Pokemon

Yep, that's right, small pocket-sized monsters in balls. Except they aren't really pocket sized, these poor imprisoned animals are kept in dark, cramped and crowded Pokeballs making them so cranky it's no wonder all they want to do is fight. Perhaps the ultimate Pokemon is Arceus from Pokemon Diamond and Pearl. Don't let appearances fool you, this cute llama-Giger alien hybrid will hurt you...

Unleashing cute creatures to battle for your honour does make up for the hours spent searching for and endlessly evolving them. Train, my pretties, train! Mwahahahahaaaa! Just be careful you don't shake them about too much in their pokeballs...or you'll end up summoning Pukechu!


Those that didn't quite make the list for various reasons but deserve a special mention are...

Almost every weapon in the Worms series!

I couldn't fit this into my list but it featured in my original draft - that is, until I was suddenly aware of how many weapons make up the Worms armoury.

So, rather than take up almost every slot, I felt it'd be fairer to give The Super Sheep, The Banana Bomb and The Granny an extra special mention because these weapons were just so much fun to play with and excellent weapons when used correctly.

The Pepper Grinder and The Hobby Horse from Alice: Madness Returns.

These weapons win a special mention for their creativity.

Hitting enemies with a hobby horse is akin to tenderising a delicious steak with a large mallet...mmm, satisfying. Now you just need to season it with your pepper grinder.

These two weapons equal delicious victory.

Walls in any Sims game...I'm being serious. Removing the door and replacing it with a wall or deciding to remove the steps leading into the pool are no match for your Simlish speaking minions. You are a vengeful God, albeit a little bored and if they can't handle a little lateral thinking, then they don't deserve to live!

Speaking of cruel lateral thinking, The Portal Gun from Portal 1 and 2 nearly made the list but as awesome as it is there are few enemies it actually takes out, save for sending turrets tumbling to their death. The Portal Gun is more of an enabler than a weapon (unlike the Gravity Gun from Half-Life 2). But, it deserves a shout out because...well, because it shoots portals!

The list is genuinely endless and the more you stop to think about it, the more expansive it becomes.

Try it, you'll see. So, if I've missed your favourite or something you consider an odd choice, mention it in the comments section below.

Until next time, lock and load.

1 comment:

  1. The best weapon I have seen in video games was human brain. In a game called All we need is brain gamers place a brain near zombie graves and try to get zombies out of the tomb.