Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Gaming Royalty, Or How Prince George Has Nothing On Princess Zelda

Originally written for Forces Of Geek after a small hiatus on Thursday 25th July 2013. I am sick of this Royal Baby already damn it!


People assume that because I live in the UK and especially because I'm from London that I care about the Royal Baby. These people are very wrong, it's not that I don't care that a human life was created, that part is awesome, but I have no opinion on the Royal Family other than they are great for UK tourism.

Ugh...
I do however, care about another kind of royalty and due to all this talk in the media about future Kings and Queens, Princes and Princesses I started thinking about gaming royalty.

I'm not referring to our Miyamoto's, Hirai's, Newell's and Iwata's (because they are akin to deities, not royalty!), rather I'm talking about the royal characters that have graced us with their sovereignty over the years.

As a frequent visitor to Hyrule, having played the majority of The Legend Of Zelda games, I have perhaps been a loyal subject of Princess Zelda the longest. What makes her awesome is that she represents part of the triforce associated with wisdom.

Her father, the King barely makes an appearance but his daughter more than makes up for that. Some say she doesn't really care about her subjects and that barely shows any compassion toward them but I view her cool indifference as an air of calm, she is serene in threatening situations which is an admirable quality in a leader.

Way to confuse Link, Princess...
She's also incredibly determined and strong-willed. Princess Zelda is willing to fight for her realm masquerading as a mysterious warrior to help Link, known as Sheik. 

A clever master of disguise who is loyal to her subjects and willing to fight for them? How could anyone find fault with her? Okay so she gets kidnapped on occasion and totally leads on Link, but she's hardly incapable like Princess Peach who is the absolute worst when it comes to being stolen and letting her kingdom be taken over by Bowser repeatedly.


  1. Speaking of which, Bowser or King Koopa as he's sometimes referred to, isn't all that bad, if we ignore his obsession for stealing the throne and kidnapping the princess all the time. He's just misunderstood and wants to stand up for his fellow lizard-y, turtle-y people. He has the conviction of a leader who is willing to make tough decisions on behalf of his subjects even if that decision is to take care of two troublesome plumbers.

In fact, you know what... I've just realised that time and time again King Koopa and his army are thwarted by two plumbers...Two! Perhaps he isn't quite "King" material after all, but kudos to him for his perseverance and determination.

One day Bowser... One day.

Perhaps he ought to take a leaf out of Empress Jessamine Kaldwin's book who before her untimely assassination was a just and compassionate ruler, doing everything she could for the well being of her people. She did not believe that quarantining her own people was right and fought to alleviate her subjects pain and suffering. 

For her, the protection of her people was of utmost importance but sadly her trusting nature was also her downfall as she was betrayed by her own Spymaster.

Her daughter Emily, despite losing her mother, exudes all the the kind traits of her mother but her experiences have made her much stronger which in turn will hopefully make her a great Empress one day when she comes of age. 

Jessamine & Emily Kaldwin

Graceful, deadly and a manipulator of time. Three things that describe the Prince of Persia! He is a born protector and his eloquence and grace can be seen in everything he does. Even in combat he exudes the grace of a ballet dancer despite his weapon of choice. The cutlass is often carried by pirates who are foul and uncouth, the very opposite of the Prince who wields his weapon with elegance and finesse. 

And he's mostly topless.... *swoon*
There are some who don't believe gracefulness, eloquence or even the ability to protect their subjects are important traits in in a monarch. I'm pretty sure The King Of All Cosmos is one of those people based on the way he treats his subjects. 

Hey ladies... you wanna be Queen? 
Never satisfied, even when you bring him a katamari the size of a planet! Nothing is ever good enough for the King, though despite inflated sense of ego and obvious God complex he has earned himself the title of King of ALL COSMOS so he must be doing something right despite the wanton destruction he causes. 

Then there's the 17 Daedric Prince's who rule over the different planes in Tamriel, many of them are chaotic, destructive and mischievous. When dabbling in Daedric rituals be careful as those who carry out their bidding do so at great cost to themselves.
He looks... trustworthy
Though, if you enjoy slaughtering innocents and ritual sacrifice with human hearts then carry on, I won't stand in your way or stop you following your dark prince. I don't want to die!

Of course if you don't believe in monarchy, there is another King which comes to mind. If you find yourself in the Freeside of Fallout 3 New Vegas, you may well come across a man who calls himself The King and his cyber dog Rex.

"I'm the King", "Me, too" ... Seems legit
He has a vast following who call themselves The Kings (what an imaginative name!); a gang built on respect and the worship of the Elvis Presley based on old recordings they found from a time before the post-apocalyptic world they live in. They look to their leader, The King, a charismatic man to provide for and protect them. He does both incredibly well but most importantly he teaches his followers to sing! What other King can provide entertainment like that?

With these examples alone the newly named Prince George has a lot of competition and arguably inspiration should he ever take the throne and if he doesn't I'll be the first pensioner (senior citizen) to rock up to Buckingham Palace, chuck a vintage PS2 at him and shout in a thick East London accent "Get some of that in ya, ya pranny!"

Long Live the King! Uh-huh!













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