Overcoming Fear by Learning to Fly

I have many irrational fears. Spiders are by far the biggest, closely followed by the Steven Spielberg film E.T. The Extra Terrestrial. 

Yes, you read that correctly. 

No, I didn't confuse Steven Spielberg with Stephen King or mix up different films. I have a very genuine fear of that creepy brown alien.

Irrational fears are hard to overcome, but what about rational fears like fear of flying? 

Flying is a rational fear

Flying isn't a natural state for humans. A fear of flying makes sense and it's most likely programmed into our genetic code. Of course, flying is scary. But that's what makes it exhilarating too.  

Aged 13, I joined the air cadets. They visited our school to talk about what they did and it sounded exciting. And so, me and my friend Chantelle decided to check it out. 

I didn't stop to once think about the fact I had a fear of heights, let alone a fear of flying. Back then, I had never even been in a plane. As I realised this fact, I felt my anxiety rise. 

On the way there, I thought about backing out but something in me was determined to carry on. 

Maybe it was just the teenage rebellious streak in me acting out? Or maybe it was a fear of missing out? 

Whatever it was, I made a decision to sign up on that same evening. Somehow, despite a lack of psychological training and the fact I was only 13 years old, I figured joining was the best way to get over my fear of heights. I had to do it.

Did it work? Well...sort of.

My first flight - Frankfurt

My very first flight happened to coincide around this time too, a school trip to Germany. We were flying to Frankfurt to visit our German exchange students in their home town of Kaiserslautern. 

I'd always been jealous of those lucky few at school that spent Summer holidays on the other side of the globe, while I was stuck in a caravan in Cornwall. So naturally, I was really excited to fly somewhere. 

But now as I was boarding a plane for the very first time I started to get sweaty palms. I felt anxious and it was as though I couldn't breathe.

One of the language teachers, Ms. Hall, gave me a mint. She told me to suck on it as we took off so that my ears didn't pop. 

I realise now that she was only trying to comfort me but all I could think about from that point on was the fact my ears might pop?! 

Though the flight must've been okay in the end. Mostly because I don't have any particular memories of that flight - only the boarding and getting ready for take off.  Either that, or it was so awful that my subconscious has blocked it out!

Flying with the air cadets

My next flying experience was gliding at an RAF base with the air cadets. Before joining the Air Training Corps (ATC) I assumed that the only gliders that existed were hand gliders. Like the ones I saw in cartoons as a kid. 

"Hang in there, Scoob" - image credit: Scooby Doo Fandom Wiki

But I soon discovered that the Viking winch-launch gliders were much more plane-like. In fact I was taken aback at how long their wingspan is. They're very streamlined and elegant looking.

A winch-launch glider, is kind of how it sounds. There's no engine so you're launched into the air using a winch. 

Picture a giant slingshot. Yep. 

The height you reach varies and is determined on the wind that day. 

My first gliding experience

So, I'm in the air, in an aircraft with no engine. It should've terrified me. But it didn't. In fact, I learnt what happens when you stall the engine and the adjustments you need to make using the rudder. 

On my first glider flight, we were each partnered with a trained RAF pilot volunteer. Sadly, all I can remember about mine is that she was called Fleur. 

I think distinctively remember this fact because it's the French word for flower and I loved studying languages at school. I can't even remember her rank...sorry ma'am. 

Despite the fact their was no engine, I felt much safer than I did when flying in the Boeing 737 to Frankfurt. I knew Fleur was piloting, I had a parachute on and our altitude was nowhere near as high as commercial jet. 

I was even given the chance to use the rudder and pilot the Viking briefly!

That control over my own safety, as well as knowing how my parachute worked in case of emergency, felt good. I was left to take in the view and marvel at how amazing it was to be flying without an engine. 

Here's a video of what it's like inside a glider: 

Sadly, I never quite completed my Gliding Induction Course (GIC) during my time at the ATC. This is because, as with all pilot licences, it was dependent on how often you flew in the aircraft. 

I only got the chance to fly three times - which is Level 1 of 3. 

But I would've definitely gone gliding more times if the chance had arisen! 

My first small aircraft flying experience

My next flying experience was in the Scottish Aviation Bulldog back in 1999. I'd just missed out on the chance to fly the classic DeHavilland Chipmunk. These days, cadets fly in the Grob Tutor. 

I absolutely adored flying in the Bulldog. 

Scottish Aviation Bulldog at Shoresham Airshow 2012. Image Credit: John5199 

In your first few flights, you're taught how the aircraft flies. And at least once during your flight, you are given the chance to control it. 

On my very first flight, I was given control and was able to experience air aerobatics. I performed my first loop-the-loop and I was hooked. 

Not to mention, the views from 3000ft are somehow calming to me. Weird given I still panic when I'm up a 6ft ladder. 

Plus, I'm still not comfortable flying in a passenger aircraft - even larger aircraft like the Airbus A320.

Flying is better than driving

To this day, in my 34 years, I have had more flying lessons than driving lessons. In fact, I don't actually drive. 

Unfortunately, flying is a very expensive hobby and so I'll never come close to the required hours spent in the air for a licence. 

I think it's something like 45 hours, plus a certain distance solo flight for a Private Pilot's Licence (PPL), plus around £8000 - at least! 

And it works out at around £5000 for a Light Aircraft Pilot Licence (LAPL). So, even then - certainly not cheap. That's why I'm so incredibly grateful for my time in the air cadets. 

My first experience with turbulence

After my flying lessons (with and without engines) in my teenage years - I expected my next commercial flight to be a piece of cake. 

Oh, how wrong I was. 

My family decided to break caravan tradition one year and flew us to Ibiza for a holiday. 

Sidenote: Ibiza is a beautiful island with more to it then just nightclubs. 

I was feeling pretty smug and sure of myself as I boarded. I knew the basics of flight and I loved flying. 

During the safety checks, I began to feel that sense of uneasiness wash over me. My palms got sweaty. My heart rate started increasing. I couldn't hear my sister telling me to get off her side of the arm rest. 

Ah, crap. 

This particular flight experienced some turbulence too. Here's the thing about turbulence. No one knows exactly why it happens. Scientists have some ideas, but no certainty.

Seriously, physicists don't actually know. I found this TedEd video really interesting: 

Now, I hadn't experienced turbulence like this before. And I hated it. 

I hated the fact that I didn't have a parachute on if things went South. Despite the fact I knew how incredibly unlikely plane crashes were - least of all, ones caused by turbulence. 

But reason disappears when anxiety takes hold and I spent the entire flight tense and unable to relax. 

That was 18 years ago

Since then I've travelled on two long-haul flights. One to Japan and one to the US. Both of these flights were the best flight experiences I've had. This is most likely because long-haul flights usually mean bigger planes. And bigger plans equal less turbulence. 

I can actually relax on a long-haul flight. I distract myself with films and I can sleep. 

Yet, I'm still a nervous wreck on smaller commercial flights. 

So my fear of heights/flying is a little bit odd. 

What I love and hate about flying and being up high

I love being up high if I'm in natural surroundings. 

For instance, looking out over a fjord in Norway while perched atop of the mountains. Or admiring the view from the peak of Pen Y Fan after spending all day trekking up it. 

Me and my husband in Geirangerfjord, Norway - 14th Aug 2019 Photo credit: Matthew Stogdon and the self-timer!

I also love flying in small passenger planes or gliders that reach up to 3000ft. 

I like long-haul flying, for all it's distraction and lack of turbulence.

But I absolutely hate flying short-haul - 45 min to 5 hour flights. 

I hate ladders and rope bridges. I'm always worried that I might get invited to a hen do at Go Ape. But I have been on a zip line...on a cruise ship. Yeah, it makes no sense. 

Not to mention my legs are like jelly if I'm up too high in a man-made structure like a skyscraper or tall building. 

Umeda Sky Building in Osaka

When I travelled to Japan in 2017 one of the cities we visited was Osaka. It's actually one of my favourite cities in the world. 

While there, my husband and our friends went up the Umeda Sky Building. It's a fascinating building to look at and I really like it from an architectural point of view.

Umeda Sky Building, Osaka, Japan. Image credit: Osaka Tourism Board

I had intended on going up with them but once I arrived and looked up at it's impending height, I felt that familiar panic rise up. 

By the way, those two lines coming out of the circular gap in the middle of the image? Those are escalators. 

Nope. 

I checked out the gardens below and enjoyed a coffee instead. To this day, I have no regrets. 

During my Japan trip I did somehow manage to make it up to the viewing point of the Tokyo Metropolitan Government Building. 

I hated every minute of being in the lift and my legs wanted to crumble, but I did it. Plus it was free so if I freaked out I wouldn't have wasted ¥2550 just to embarrass myself in front of everyone.

Is my fear of flying rational or irrational?

So you see, my fear of flying and heights makes no sense - it's conditional. I'd always viewed flying as a rational fear because humans aren't meant to fly. 

But given my own varied experiences with flying, I think I had it all wrong. 

I guess it really is an irrational fear after all. And it's an irrational fear that I'm still working on. 

Just like I've started gardening to overcome my fear of spiders. 

Just don't ask me to work on my fear of E.T.